Poignant Realization

Back in about 1979 or so, when we lived in Massachusetts, I had a poignant realization. We had waited for years and years for our cousins to return from overseas duty to the US so our kids could get to know them. We were really looking forward to renewing acquaintances and raising our kids together. But when they came back, they decided to move to Colorado, nearly the whole width of the country away. I was so sad! Even though we did what we could to go see them, it was years between visits and the kids ended up barely knowing each other.

Now we are having a parallel experience, and the poignancy is far more intense, because we realize that many of our grandchildren are going to grow up with knowing us only as very occasional visitors.

I am very dedicated to putting family together. I spend hours and hours trying to find and understand my ancestors just for that reason. We have driven many hours every month to visit a couple of our grandchildren who had to move away. We have driven hours and hours at other times to be sure we see grandchildren.

A lot of the separation was inevitable when we were locked into being in Tucson for most of the year. That's the way things are in our culture right now, with families thinking little of separation if it's because of a career. When our grown kids started setting up their work locations far away, we took it with a grain of salt because it didn't seem permanent.

Now it seems devastating. Of course we have moved away from everyone ourselves. But we picked a place where we felt the family would most likely gather sooner or later.

But it's not going to happen. Maybe in 20 years or so we will stop living our dream and try to go where everyone is, but by then every one of our grandchildren now living will be out of their homes, and many - most - will have homes of their own.

We could stay in Tucson instead of Anacortes. We love Tucson. But the values we can live in Anacortes are closer to ours. We like the climate, we like eating for free out of the garden, we love a place where we can be outside every month of the year, every day of the year. We love the water and the wildness and the easy access to all sorts of biomes and ecosystems and opportunities for adventure.

So it's a challenging tug of war, our desire to be part of the lives of our grandchildren traded off against our desire to live in a life-supporting setting where we could even live self-sufficently if we had to or wanted to.

Our most fervent hopes are that every family member would live in a place that we could reach for a weekend visit - say within 6 hours maximum. That would take a miracle. But even if some lived in ONE remote location that we could visit quarterly, it would be a help.

Otherwise the few memories they have of us will fade away.

I saw a photo of my grandmother a couple of months ago and didn't recognize her at all. She has a big smile on her face and all I remember of her is that she was grouchy. HOW HORRIBLE!

I don't want to be forgotten!

Sigh. I can only pray.