The Cost of Ignorance And The Light of Knowledge

Let me tell you a little tale that leads to a big lesson for me.

Last August we went to the Shaklee convention in Nashville. We got as far as St Louis by plane, but they were late arriving and we had to drive in a rental car to Nashville late into the night to get there in time for the main meeting of the convention early the next morning.

We were staying in a hotel with a large indoor pool around which the rooms were arrayed, on 3 or 4 floors. Our room was not among these but required passing through the large courtyard the pool was in to get back and forth to the convention buses.

The first afternoon, on returning to our room, I had a great deal of trouble making the walk across the lobby floor. I didn't have the energy to carry my tote, and I basically had to take small shuffling steps the whole distance. I didn't get respite from this problem until we returned to Anacortes.

We supposed the problem was the chlorine from the pool. I was marginally better at the convention facility, but not by any stretch normal.

I secretly assumed I was about to have a heart attack. At one event, held outside, several ambulances were standing by (which I guess is not unusual at an event for 10,000, several of whom are over 80). I kept an eye on them, I was so convinced I might need one any minute. I took charge of walking w/ Kay just to hide my slowness: she has Parkinson's, is on meds, and can't hustle as she used to. Good thing for me!

Even when we were back in Anacortes, I didn't walk that well. I was really slow on hills around our house.

When we were in China, we walked everywhere. It was nothing to us to go many miles a day (mostly on the flat, except for stairs in the classroom buildings). Beijing is at low altitude, so that was no challenge.

On returning from China I had a very bad summer, mostly due to wheat - as I later discovered. We did very little walking. But when we returned to Tucson, with the wheat issue resolving due to my changing my diet, I felt well enough to take up tennis, and enjoyed playing all winter w/ Tonie and Theresa.

Then it grew hot, and the tennis faded away. It was too hot to walk. When we got to Anacortes a year ago we walked but then that was interrupted by our trip to Alaska, 5 weeks of mostly riding in the car. It was just after that the incident in Nashville happened.

When we got home from Nashville I was discouraged that I couldn't walk, even though we went out every day. Gradually the weather and short days took their toll and we walked only briefly - 30 minutes most days. I was still plodding along and felt I would probably do that for the remainder of what would certainly prove to be a short life.

It was in this state of discouragement that it came to me that we should go on our mission right away, not several years in the future after we were well settled into retirement. There were other contributing factors, but this was a big one: if I didn't go now, I would never be able to go.

D and I talked about what could be going on, and one possibility came up, that I was anemic. The intestinal problems, whether poor absorption or bleeding, could have been contributing. We reasoned that anemia could account for not being able to move very fast, and further that the effect of the chlorine could have been due to further inhibiting oxygen absorption, or perhaps the effect was more of a toxic one.

Nonetheless, I secretly thought it could be heart disease. My mother had a heart attack at about age 52, diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and heart problems by the time she was in her mid-60s. It was reasonable enough. Plus, when I walked, I got tightness in my chest.

I didn't want to go to a doctor because I didn't want to get a hefty diagnosis that I'd have to live with.

I determined that when we got back to fair skies in Tucson I would start an earnest exercise program. I began to walk the mailboxes and do the Canadian Air Force exercises, as noted here, so I would not have restrictions on my papers that would hamper our ability to serve anywhere in the world. The motivation was primarily the mission, since I wasn't sure health was an option for me any more.

In the course of getting ready for a mission, a large number of the tasks center around medical poking and prodding, so of course I knew I'd be found out. That gave me at best a couple of months to build some stamina and perhaps some normal speed.

So out I went and began to walk. Sometimes I was breathing hard by the time I got to the mailbox. But I forged ahead, and most of it is recorded here: I made real progress. Pretty soon I was walking at a decent speed, certainly a normal one - no more plodding or shuffling along. That was such a relief.

The first medical clue of what had been happening came when I had my physical and got bloodwork done. I was anemic! HURRAY! In a perverse way it was good news - it opened the real possibility that anemia was a contributing factor to my problem.

During the physical I suggested to the doc that I have a stress test. By now I was doing better enough to want to know what the situation was!

The test was scheduled for April 28, Monday of this week. I had an enjoyable time with a fascinating set of procedures in the category of a nuclear stress test. It is thorough!

Today I got the results.

My heart is completely normal. Exercise ecgs are normal. No blockages. Great blood pressure (which I knew). Great recovery. EVERYTHING about my heart was normal.

The whole thing was a chimera. My fear prevented me from pursuing knowledge that would have put my mind at ease and allowed me to look for other causes. Something appeared to be quite real, but when I pushed against it, I found it was merely a deceit.

So I am rejoicing. I am a well person. I am still anemic. That was a little worrisome, and my main doc was a bit freaked by it. But another doc pointed out it wasn't all that bad: hemoglobin of 9.4. Basically it's enough to account for slow walking but not enough to do something drastic about.

The lesson I take from this has to do with faith and self-trust: if I had had a heart problem, I would have found solutions or adjustments that were suitable for me, with the Lord's help. If not this mission, then that one. And I would have adapted. It's also about humility: I was too proud to accept a label that would indicate I was less than fully capable. And a third lesson comes straight out of D&C 129. I leave it to you to apply that as the Spirit moves you.

In the end, light and truth and knowledge are the choice. Ignorance and darkness and fear have no place among even the weakest among us. That is what I have learned through this year of worry and enlightenment.